


i'll always be just fine

by simplemelodies



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Band breakup, Canon Compliant, Drug Use, M/M, Oh my god thank you ariii, casweaters, littlemisskitty, this is really rough im so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 12:31:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1469932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplemelodies/pseuds/simplemelodies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>they combust. shatter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll always be just fine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [celestialari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialari/gifts).



The band's been together for eight years when they decide it's over.

That's it, really. Of course, they give the fans some bullshit story of how they're all going in different directions, but in reality they're just tired. Something about the pressure, they think, but really it's just the constant mentality of being best friends. It's been a long time since any of the boys confided in each other.

Zayn and Perrie have an infant. She's really the cutest thing, all brown eyes and blonde curls. Their marriage is not really the talk of the papers anymore, so it's a great time to settle down and raise Chrissy. Everything is perfect, Harry thinks. For them, at least. Every bit of him is happy for them, but he has to admit the jealousy he feels.

Liam is an addict, all things considered. He's a mess, taking off for blow when he can and in a constant battle of staying conscious. It's a scary thing to watch someone so composed just a year before fall further into something he can't even begin to grasp.

Niall's taking everything with a grain of salt, deciding to write on his own, keeping his music alive. He loves his job and his fans still, it's just the boys have their own demons and he's been around that toxic environment for long enough. 

Harry and Louis are together, yeah, but they're falling apart, tearing each other down. There are fights, and not just over who gets the last Red Vine. It's a terrible thing to witness when Harry and Louis fight. Mean words are thrown, giving a harsh light to the way they really feel about each other.

It's unhealthy, the way they sort of just drift. In short, the whole band is breaking apart, unsalvageable.

It's over.

*

They decide to finish the Until the End tour, each show harder than the last. It's difficult, playing arenas and stadiums and knowing it will be over within months. So they make an announcement and just. Stop. Liam disappears. Niall sequesters himself back in Ireland, presumably so he can run away from the Devils that kept him in the the band. Zayn and Perrie raise Chrissy in a city just outside of Manchester. It goes pretty well, Harry guesses. Harry and Louis combust. They shatter, fall apart. They try to piece it back together but it's just angry sex and less and less touching. Everything is harsh and stark and it's falling into disrepair and Harry wishes this were a house and not a relationship. At least he could afford to fix it.

Harry moves out in June. The boys don't speak after that.

So Harry thought it was hard before, when he was around Louis constantly. He thought it was rough with the aborted gestures and tired insults. The passive aggressive attitude is something he thought he might miss. Louis was his favourite person to throw off-hand insults to. He thought maybe he'd be okay without it, that the poison of a relationship born of close-quarters and lack of experience would leave. But something about poison--it doesn't leave the body when the snake crawls away or the bee dies. It eats at his veins, tearing into Harry's heart until it's gone. Maybe. Or maybe he's just numb.

*

It's December. Louis calls Harry for the first time in six months.

Harry's in Manchester, trying to settle down in his own head. It's kind of peaceful, being alone. Of course, he isn't actually all by himself. His mother stops by and a few friends from the road are located in the Manchester area. He's not a complete loss without his bandmates. Former bandmates. Whatever. Louis is back in Doncaster with his sisters. Not that Harry keeps tabs or anything.

Harry lets it go to voicemail, but all Louis really says is, "I really need to talk to you today." And he sounds torn--beat up and bruised and Harry feels his lungs stop for a second because he really misses that. Not the pain so evident in the words, but the voice. Harry knows how that voice sounds on hot Saturday nights, on the cold Sunday mornings that follow. He misses that. He really does.

So he calls Louis back. The first thing he says is, "Do you remember on the Take Me Home tour when we talked until midnight when you turned twenty-one? You were so ready for it to be over." Louis responds by grumbling into the phone about teenage angst.

"I wasn't that bad, Harry."

And they think they want to meet, but Harry says a soft, "not now." It's too early. He ends the call with, "Happy birthday, Lou." Except it's already after midnight.

*

In California in 1906, an earthquake ripped through the state and tore everything down. Dust and rocks and hope was all that was left, really. Houses fell, businesses lost land. Shutters crumbled and doors fell in. Walls came a-tumblin'. Things were demolished. Broken.

Louis thinks about 1906 San Francisco from time to time. Thinks his shoddy excuses for relationships resemble that in a way he can't even begin to understand.

Four months later, Louis is in a cafe when he notices the hair. Of fucking course it's the hair--it's always the hair. Harry comes to see Louis, and they talk. It's formal and not what it used to be, when lights and autographs and pressure forced them into a bond they didn't exactly choose. The conversation is stilted and Louis wonders how long it will be before Harry gives up on him. Or maybe he already had. 

Later they fuck and it's full of resentment and grief because neither of them have talked to Liam or Zayn or Niall since setting foot off that plane back in April, and maybe that's something totally fucked up to think about with his dick buried in his ex band member's ass, but Louis can't be bothered when tears are streaming down his face at the same time.

They don't get back together, and Louis doesn't think he can make amends with someone who broke him so thoroughly, but every year on Christmas Eve they'll talk, at least, until the clock ticks over to midnight and Louis has to be a year older. 

This is what aftershocks feels like, Louis thinks.

*

It's May, four years later, when Liam overdoses on some cocktail and almost dies. When Harry's mom tells him (It's not like he's reads the tabloids. How would he know?) he lets the phone sit in the cradle for seven minutes before calling the boys. 

There's no reason for him to go see Liam, but he has to. He grew up with this boy, this person, this man. They shared everything from toilets to salary. Zayn is there and so is Niall, all stuck in the same hotel while they wait to visit Liam in some upscale rehab facility. They don’t talk as much as acknowledge each other’s presence with nods and grunts of welcome. 

Are grunts even welcoming? Whatever. 

Louis shows up sometime later with a girl in towe, and it kind of stops Harry's heart and makes Niall walk out of the room. Zayn glowers and keeps his head angled towards his phone while Harry struggles not to stare at the bird attached to the arm of his everything. 

When they get the okay to see Liam, he looks ragged--like. Lost or something; Harry's not sure, but he's not what he used to be. He’s gaunt, terrifying and maybe like a lunatic but Harry saw this person become a man. There’s nothing crazy about the person before him.

Liam spits in Louis's face. Whatever happened to the brotherhood they had ten years ago melted when they started crumbling. When the earthquake hit.

*

The girl on Louis's arm (Cloe, Harry thinks her name is.) leaves him the next month. Again, Harry's not keeping tabs, just kind of knows all of this. Vaguely. 

Harry can't say he's not happy. He hasn't really had anyone since Louis. Of course there were a few nights in pubs and some spent at his own flat, but nothing serious. Nothing worthy of tattoos and torn skin and night-calls. He seems sort of relieved, like he's not the only one with trouble. Relationship trouble, at least. Maybe he's going to be okay.

*

_So I fake like I'm alright._

Louis calls Harry. Not on Christmas Eve, not for reassurance that he's not old (he's thirty for chrissake). He calls because he misses Harry, and he misses Liam and he misses Zayn and he misses Niall. They're sort of supportive, calling meeting and talking it all out. Zayn tells the group that Chrissy is starting year one, knows all the alphabet. Liam is six months sober, and they all decide to make the decision to be sober together. Niall is making a killing with his solo career, selling out pubs and sometimes arenas. Harry is back in a bakery, flour stains permanently littering his clothing. 

Louis is nothing without them.

They all kind of come together then. Lou and Liam make some sort of agreement to be civil while Louis and Harry start working on Them (capital T) again. It's not easy, Louis realizes. There is hate and simmering resentment that needs to be dealt with, but Louis handles it in the best way he can. Which may involve sex and dates and too many words for his liking.

*

The band come back for a reunion tour the next summer, called This Is Us. It's not as much of a success as Until the End or Where We Are, but it's a great way for closure as they leave the stage on the final night with hands held and smiles on their lips. Harry publicly kisses Louis's cheek for the fourth time in thirteen years. The boys are a unit again, with rough patches and scars, but knitted together. 

With arms wrapped around each other and the dying notes of What Makes You Beautiful still resonating in their chests, One Direction exits Stage Left for the last time. 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this while i was inhebriated and [ari](http.casweaters.tumblr.com) is wonderful and made sure i didn't ramble. thaaank you.
> 
> first harrylouis wooohoooooo i feel like i've jumped so many hurdles. i am so. ugh i love these boys a lot and this damn prompt wouldn't leave me alone.
> 
> kiss kiss
> 
> ooohohoh i got inspiration from nickel creek's song christmas eve.


End file.
